Why Do We Never Discuss Birth Fathers?

They’re glaringly absent from the adoption discourse

Photo by Ante Hamersmit on Unsplash

My Dad is one of my best friends. But this post is about my biological Father, whom I know nothing about.

Are we the same height? Do we have similar body types? Does he have a deep bass voice or long thin “good for piano” fingers?

Does he share my intellectual curiosity and my bushy eyebrows? If I saw him standing next to me, would I recognize myself in him?

What would I say to him if I met him?

In the vocabulary of international adoption, the birth father is rarely mentioned. You can find multitudes writing about adoption trauma and biological mothers. But the bio-father remains absent from the conversation.

Let’s look at a few reasons why:

• A father didn’t carry a child in his womb
• The belief of less emotional bonding between fathers and their children
• Society considers mothers as nurturers, not fathers
• Some women were raped, became pregnant, and the perpetrator was unknown
• The child was born outside of marriage, and the mom didn’t want her parents to know the biological father
• The biological mother knows the…